


Light Behind Your Eyes

by starstruckandmetal



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, I have too much fun writing sad things, M/M, Sad, Sad Ending, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-06
Updated: 2015-08-06
Packaged: 2018-04-13 06:15:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4510968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starstruckandmetal/pseuds/starstruckandmetal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hide is dying in Kaneki's arms, saying his final goodbyes and breaking his best friend's heart.<br/>Even after Hide's death, Kaneki is still finding things that remind him of his best friend, the person he loved, that break his heart all over again, including a letter Hide had left behind in case he didn't return from the Anteiku Raid</p>
            </blockquote>





	Light Behind Your Eyes

"Yo, Kaneki!"

Kaneki looked up to see Hide, his best friend, his love, and the person he abandoned and wronged the most, standing in front of him, holding two cups of coffee and smiling as usual, although Kaneki was bloody and his ghoul eye was showing. Kaneki buried his face in his hand, attempting to hide it from Hide, although he knew it was too late.

"Kaneki...I knew." Hide said.

Kaneki looked up, his eyes wide, and stared at the blond in surprise.

"Yeah, I knew. No, I didn't care. It didn't change who you were, for the most part, you stayed the same old Kaneki you've always been, at least...up until you disappeared." Hide continued.

"You...you don't think I'm a monster?" Kaneki asked.

"What defines a monster Kaneki? To some ghouls, the CCG are monsters. To humans, the ghouls are monsters. What is a monster depends entirely upon who's speaking. I don't consider you a monster." Hide replied simply, taking a sip of his coffee, and adding "This tastes awful. Turns out coffee is pretty hard to make."

"Hide...."

"Kaneki," Hide said softly, taking a step towards the white haired boy and resting a hand on his shoulder, "You've never been a monster to me. I don't think you could be. I love you."

_"So long to all my friends_  
 _Everyone of them met tragic ends_  
 _With every passing day_  
 _I’d be lying if I didn’t say_  
 _That I miss them all tonight_  
 _And if they only knew what I would say_  
  
_If I could be with you tonight_  
 _I would sing you to sleep_  
 _Never let them take the light behind your eyes_  
 _One day I’ll lose this fight_  
 _As we fade in the dark_  
 _Just remember you will always burn as bright"_

Before Kaneki could reply to Hide's words, the blond boy fell forward into Kaneki who didn't hesitate to catch him and pull him into his chest.

"I...kinda messed up a bit out there." Hide coughed weakly, holding his side, a little smile on his face somehow.

"Hide, you-"

"It's alright Kaneki, I got to see you again. That's all I asked for, to be able to see you one last time." Hide said.

"Hide, you can't leave me!" Kaneki pleaded, tears filling his eyes, as he tried to stop the bleeding. "You're the only person who never saw me as a monster, you can't die dammit! Hide!"

"Kaneki it's-"

"No, Hide, it's not alright! I love you, you're my best friend, I can't lose you like this!"

There was only so much he could do, the wound was too deep, Hide wouldn't make it, no matter what Kaneki tried. Deep down, he knew it wouldn't be enough to save his friend.

"Kaneki, I'm glad I got to make that confession. That I got to see you one more time. I'm getting more than I deserved." Hide said, resting one hand on Kaneki's cheek, and gripping the white haired boy's free hand with the other.

Kaneki leaned his forehead against Hide's, tears now running freely down his face.

"Hide, please, you can't die on me, not here or now, please."

"Kaneki, there's nothing you can do for me, it's too late. You've done enough by being here, by letting me see you one more time. Hearing your voice again. I've missed you an awful lot while you've been gone." Hide whispered, his voice getting weaker and hoarser.

"I missed you too Hide. I missed you and your stupid jokes, and your laugh, your smile that could light up a room, how you always seemed like a ray of light no matter how dark things got. Dammit Hide, I missed you a lot too, I'm sorry, I never should've cut you out of my life, I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry, all I did in doing so was make things worse, Hide, I-"

"Kaneki, don't apologize." Hide said firmly before his voice weakened again, "I made the choice to come out here looking for you. I'm the one who knew what could happen and risked it anyway to find you. You did what you thought would keep me safe, I'd have done the same for you. This isn't your fault."

_"Be strong and hold my hand_  
 _Time—it comes for us, you’ll understand_  
 _We’ll say goodbye today_  
 _And I'm sorry how it ends this way_  
 _If you promise not to cry_  
 _Then I’ll tell you just what I would say_  
  
_If I could be with you tonight_  
 _I would sing you to sleep_  
 _Never let them take the light behind your eyes_  
 _I’ll fail and lose this fight_  
 _Never fade in the dark_  
 _Just remember you will always burn as bright_  
  
_The light behind your eyes_  
 _The light behind your"_

"This wasn't supposed to happen. I distanced myself from you to protect you, so nothing would come after you. You were supposed to live a long happy life, get married, have a family...."

"Kaneki," Hide coughed out, "I may have lived a long life, but if you weren't in it, it wouldn't have been happy, and I would have been alone."

Kaneki's tears fell onto Hide's face, his heart shattering into a thousand pieces, as Hide brushed the tears off Kaneki's cheeks, and rested his hand on the white haired boy's shoulder.

"Please, go. Don't die, keep living...for me if nothing else. I...love you...Kaneki. Don't forget it...okay." Hide whispered, before closing his eyes.

"Hide! No! Hide you can't die, please! Hide! Don't you know rabbits can die when they're lonely? Hide!" Kaneki cried, hugging his best friend close to him, tears still running down his face in rivers.

Kaneki buried his face into the crook of Hide's neck, sobs wracking his body. He dug his fingers into Hide's back, and cried until he had no more tears left.

"Hide...I love you, I really do...I'm sorry, I never meant for this to happen."

Kaneki lifted Hide's body and carried him down the street and set his body down by some CCG members, before pressing a swift kiss to the blond's forehead, then taking off, away from the ghoul investigators, away from Anteiku, and away from the body of the boy he loved.

_"Sometimes we must grow stronger and_  
 _You can be stronger when I'm gone_  
 _When I’m here, no longer_  
 _You must be stronger and_  
  
_If I could be with you tonight_  
 _I would sing you to sleep_  
 _Never let them take the light behind your eyes_  
 _I failed and lost this fight_  
 _Never fade in the dark_  
 _Just remember you will always burn as bright"_

 

It had been a few months since Hide had died, and Kaneki was no better off now than he was when Hide took his final breaths. His chest always ached, and he felt as if there was a hole there where his heart used to be. When he thought that, he realized how hard Hide would have laughed at how cliche it was, and chuckled, but quickly stopped, as he remembered Hide's laugh, and felt the loss all over again.

After Hide's death, Kaneki had gone to the boy's house and found an envelope on the table, one addressed to his family, the other to Kaneki. He took the letter Hide left behind for him, and headed out, closing and locking the door behind him, then taking off, going back to Aogiri Tree, as he had nowhere else to go.

Kaneki was now back at Aogiri, in his room, the letter from Hide still unopened. Initially, it was because Kaneki was afraid of what he'd read, and because he wasn't sure he could handle it. Now, it was partially a fear, and partially the fact that he was busy. He'd been working with Ayato nearly nonstop recently, and hadn't had much time.

Now he did have time, and picked up the letter, took a deep breath, then opened it.

" _The light behind your eyes  
_ _The light behind your eyes  
T_ _he light behind your eyes  
_ _The light behind your eyes_

  
_The light behind your eyes_   
_The light behind your eyes_   
_The light behind your eyes_   
_The light behind your eyes_   
_The light behind your eyes_   
_The light behind your eyes"_   


 

It was on plain lined paper, scribbled hastily in the same handwriting Kaneki was familiar with. Not much had changed it seemed. There was nothing fantastic or special about the letter except that it was the only connection Kaneki still had to Hide, aside from that, it was a simple note.

 

_"Kaneki,_

_If you're reading this, I'm dead. I made sure I found a way to tell you this even if I was dead._

_I love you._

_I always have, you've always been one of the most important people in the world to me. Even if others can't see it, or think your a monster because you're half ghoul, I promise, you aren't. You're you Kaneki, and I love you for it. Please, keep living your life Kaneki. Find someone you love. Make friends. Look after Touka and Hinami. Don't stop living because I did(if I jumped off a bridge, would you?). I love you Kaneki, and I will always mean that, so if you're ever upset, or afraid, reread this next bit, hopefully it'll do something for you.  
_

_I love you so much. You mean more to me than the entire world. You're more important to me than anything else, and I want you to know, that I'm watching out for you, and waiting to see you again, many years from now, so I can hug you again(and grace you with my presence again). You may see me as the light in your life, but it's the other way around for me. You're the light in my life, you're the sun's rays peeking through the dark cloud, the moonlight in the dark. I can't say it enough Kaneki, I love you with everything I am. See you soon Kaneki(But not too soon, okay?)._

_Love, Hide"_

 

 

Kaneki cried again. Tears fell onto the paper, which Kaneki quickly put back in the envelope to avoid splotching the ink. He clenched and unclenched his fists, as sobs wracked his body with the same ferocity they had months ago as Hide died in his arms. Kaneki made his way over to a window, looked at the sky, and through his tears said,

 

"I love you Hide. See you later."

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so apparently I like writing sad things, oops.   
> This isn't the first Hidekane I've written, although I haven't posted it. I'm going to post more happy Hidekane though, because everyone needs happy Hidekane.   
> Never enough happy Hidekane.  
> Feedback?


End file.
